Crane's Beach, 12-31-10

I went out for New Years Eve, but came back alone to an empty house, and woke up to a bright and sunny 2011. Last year as been like that. Something of a roller-coaster of strange, sad, and wonderful. The kids are fast changing into people. I had a couple of great trips snowboarding with the family last winter. I spent two weeks on a lake in perfect weather. Karen and I separated at the end of the summer, and she moved out this fall. I’ve been making this house my own. I’ve been healthier than ever, dropping another 20 lbs to hit my target weight that I’ve not seen since my 20′s. This despite breaking my thumb late last spring and missing two months of mountain biking.

Today I feel lighter, in every sense. Things have not gone according to plan, which is not altogether a bad thing, as the weight of control has lifted. It’s a bit nerve-racking to be so far off-script, but I’m going to try and stay that way for a while.

Happy New Year!

When I get frustrated, I can’t help but think of Doctor Strangelove’s hand. This fun gif captures my mental image completely.

My wife Karen is moving out. I never imagined I’d be where I am today, but it’s not the first time my life has taken dramatic and unexpected turns. I’m thinking a lot about where I go from here, trying to get my head around what happens next. Much is the same, yet every little thing is different.

Davis: Sam, you know lots of things.

Sam: (no response)

Davis: But there’s stuff you don’t know.

Sam: Oh, ya? What stuff?

Davis: I’m not going to tell you.

Olive died yesterday. She was hit by a car. Karen found her on her way to the gym early in the morning. I had to go and make sure it was really Olive, because Karen wasn’t sure.

It hit me pretty hard, in ways my rational side just can’t make sense of. Olive makes me think of the daemons in Pullman’s “His Dark Materials”. Though Olive as a favourite of mine had a much more tenuous and subtle connection. Wrapping her up in a towel and putting her in the trunk of my car, I felt like she was long-gone, and the world a colder, lonelier place.

Sam took it pretty hard as well. Davis really doesn’t understand, and told us we should get a fish, then made up a song about a dead cat, which made us all laugh and cry at the same time.